To Boddah:
pronounced
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who
obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile camplainee.
This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings
from the punk rock 101 courses over the years. Since my first
introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with
independence and the embracement of your community has proven to
be very true. I haven't felt the exitement of listening to as
well as creating music along with reading and writing for too
many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.
For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the
manic roar of the crowd begins it doesn't affect me the way in
which it did for Freddy Mercury who seemed to love. (?) relish in
the love and adoration from the crowd. Which is something I
totally admire and envy. The fact is I can't fool you. Any one of
you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can
think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending
as if I'm having 100 % fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have
a punch in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried
everything within my power to appreciate it, (and I do. God,
believe me I do, but it's not enough. I appreciate the fact that
I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be
one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're
gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to
regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last three
tours I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've
known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can't get
over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone.
There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too
much. So much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad
little, sensitive, unappreciative, pisces, Jesus man! Why don't
you just enjoy it? I don't know! I have a goddess of a wife who
sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too
much of what I used to be. Full of love and joy kissing every
person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no
harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely
function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the
miserable self-destructive, death rocker that I've become. I have
it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven
I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because
it seems so easy for people to get along, and have empathy.
Empathy! Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I
guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning nauseous stomach
for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much
of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore and
so remember, its better to burn out than to fade away. peace,
love, empathy. Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney
for Frances
for her life which will be so much happier
without me. I Love you. I love you!